Third Time's a....Double Play?
If only we weren't on the wrong team. In baseball, a double play is when a team gets two consecutive outs in the same play action. In the world of adoption, our third at bat resulted in the hope, and loss, of an adorable sibling pair.
When we returned from one of our recent travels, we had a message waiting for us. Our uncle always shares with people that we're planning to adopt hoping that someone he knows will know someone who knows someone who is pregnant and is interested in meeting us. He received word from a friend that there was a woman who was due soon and that she was planning to place the baby for adoption.
The woman didn't want to talk with us directly yet, but her friend did. Unfortunately, we don't speak the same language, so a good friend was our mouthpiece as we tried to figure out if this was a real, promising conclusion to our Wait. For the past week or so, our friend has been communicating on our behalf with the friend of the birth mother.
Surprisingly, the friend mentioned that she had the birth mother's older child in her care as well and was interested in placing both children with us so that the kids could stay together. We had a lot to think about. We had recently decided that "one is enough," after years of hoping for "as many as possible," mixed in with a healthy dose of "two would even things out a bit" and finally settling on "whatever happens, happens." We shared that we would consider the situation when there was a baby born and the birth mother wanted to place him with us.
Along the way, some of those familiar red flags began to surface. The most glaring, blinking, screaming, SMACK YOU ON THE HEAD sign for us was the mention of money in exchange for this baby. Apparently, there was another family who was supposedly willing to pay for this baby and if we wanted to pay more, then she'd consider us. (Are you throwing up yet?)
Our friend did a superb job of explaining that once our agency was involved, we would discuss what medical and legal expenses would be covered through the legal process of adoption. The birth mother didn't like that. She didn't want to work through an agency. (Are you running scared yet?)
Today, we received pictures of a healthy newborn baby boy. We also received pictures of his older sister, who turned one today as well, sort of like those twins I've always wanted. And, we were told again that there was another couple and that they were writing a personal check to have the baby placed in their care in two days. Unluckily, we've already been engaged with the type of people who would consider selling their babies to the highest bidder. We are finished with the conversation at this point. Nothing more to say. We didn't sit suckered in a hotel room for 6 weeks this time, but our hopes were dashed again, for the third time out. Still, no money was lost in our pursuit of a larger family. (Are you breathing a sigh of relief now?)
We have been quiet lately because we wanted to see where this third venture into match-dom was going to take us. We're glad to have spared you the back and forth this time. We're not happy to be in this boat again and are left wondering what it is about us that attracts such twisted characters.
Supposedly we're still in the game to grow our family. If you can stomach it, stick with us. We're still hitting foul balls into the upper deck like Roy Thomas and the game is dragging on and on and on...but we're not out yet.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Update?
Nope, no update. I love hearing from those of you who are following along that you're getting impatient for some thoughts about our Wait. Thank you for your continued support. I know we've been quiet lately. We were traveling quite a bit and have a home and garden with which to reacquaint ourselves. We were also in the throes of some old property disputes with the has-to-be-clinically-insane woman who lives too close to us for comfort.
We took a quick trip to Washington DC and are focused on channeling the patience, wisdom and diplomacy of some of our nation's past great leaders. There's a reason they have stone memorials built in their honor, showered with their eloquent quotations. We're still trying to embody these virtues as we navigate the challenges in front of us.
On the very exciting up-side, another couple in our group was placed with their, you guessed it, baby boy last week! He's adorable (again, we have picture proof) and it sounds like their home is filled with the joy and sleeplessness of which the families in our group dream. Any activity at all in our group is welcome news. Four other couples in our group and two others who had adopted previously through our agency are still with us in this Wait. As far as we know, the agency isn't opening up another group at this time, so think at least seven good thoughts for all of us.
In the midst of some thick personal hope right now, I find myself reading the following poem often. Our poetry friend sent it to me during poetry month. I share it with you now to get us all on the hope train together. There are potentially excited days ahead...
Nope, no update. I love hearing from those of you who are following along that you're getting impatient for some thoughts about our Wait. Thank you for your continued support. I know we've been quiet lately. We were traveling quite a bit and have a home and garden with which to reacquaint ourselves. We were also in the throes of some old property disputes with the has-to-be-clinically-insane woman who lives too close to us for comfort.
We took a quick trip to Washington DC and are focused on channeling the patience, wisdom and diplomacy of some of our nation's past great leaders. There's a reason they have stone memorials built in their honor, showered with their eloquent quotations. We're still trying to embody these virtues as we navigate the challenges in front of us.
On the very exciting up-side, another couple in our group was placed with their, you guessed it, baby boy last week! He's adorable (again, we have picture proof) and it sounds like their home is filled with the joy and sleeplessness of which the families in our group dream. Any activity at all in our group is welcome news. Four other couples in our group and two others who had adopted previously through our agency are still with us in this Wait. As far as we know, the agency isn't opening up another group at this time, so think at least seven good thoughts for all of us.
In the midst of some thick personal hope right now, I find myself reading the following poem often. Our poetry friend sent it to me during poetry month. I share it with you now to get us all on the hope train together. There are potentially excited days ahead...
Sometimes
Sometimes things don't go, after all,
from bad to worse. Some years, muscadel
faces down frost; green thrives; the crops don't fail,
sometimes a man aims high, and all goes well.
A people sometimes will step back from war;
elect an honest man; decide they care
enough, that they can't leave some stranger poor.
Some men become what they were born for.
Sometimes our best efforts do not go
amiss; sometimes we do as we meant to.
The sun will sometimes melt a field of sorrow
that seemed hard frozen: may it happen for you.
~ Sheenagh Pugh
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Our Continuing Spiritual Journey
We've been a little out of touch with you all. We escaped for over a week and headed to the southern part of our state and the northern part of our neighboring state, New Mexico, for a road trip to camp in the Colorado Plateau region. We explored the significant sites of the Ancestral Puebloans at Mesa Verde, Aztec and Chaco Canyon. We spent days observing the archaeological and Native American versions of the life and times of these people from 600 AD to 1300 AD. We learned a lot about the continuing thread connecting cultures from our past to present day. It gave us something to think about as we look ahead. What kind of mark do we want to leave?
The road was long, pensive, peaceful (except when it was time to break into song), and sometimes desolate. Always there were our imaginations, active and packed with daydreams of hundreds-of-years-old campfires under that same blanket of desert stars (we saw Saturn's rings through a telescope at Chaco Canyon!). We developed a new appreciation for the landscape that looks to go on forever, seemingly lifeless, dusty and sparse, but packed with wildflowers and countless species coming out of their winter spells and into the summer sun (we rode our bikes alongside two trotting mule deer who were very curious about our being in their desert meadows).
There are a number of stories from our trip that would warrant a post all on their own. Take for example, our feat of driving while hanging on to our bike rack through the sunroof because it had broken, dangling our bikes over the side of our car. Only gravity (and our brute strength) was keeping it and our bikes attached to the roof as we snaked through the gusty desert.
Or, the ecstasy of flavors we encountered eating our way through Santa Fe for a day. Um, can we say sea salt caramel sauce on some local beef and a flight of sherry for dessert? We could also go on and on about the farm country nestled between Colorado's snow-capped peaks that led us through the agricultural valleys into the natural wonder of Great Sand Dunes National Park.
However, we agreed that one day truly captured the heart of what we wanted to share with you, the essence of our spiritual journey through these wonderful landscapes of eons past. As we reentered southern Colorado, we were introduced to the scenery winding into Pagosa Springs. We intended to soak for a while in the natural hot springs located in the heart of town. Some suspect that hundreds of years ago members of different Native American tribes would visit the springs from miles around, meet and put aside their differences while basking in the healing warm waters.
We spent 11 (eleven!) hours soaking in water ranging from 95 to 105 degrees Fahrenheit. We had access to 18 pools and people from all over were popping in and out of the tiny tubs to try out each one. It was a day of introductions, connections and wisdom exchanged. We shared time with people as far away as Germany and as local as a Southern Ute woman from the next town over. Maybe it was just that we were soaking in the heat, but the stories exchanged touched our hearts and opened up our souls to the experiences of those around us and to their connection to our own journey.
One woman in particular is now referred to as another sage in our story towards growing our family; we'll call her Chama. She asked "You have a daughter, right?" We responded that we didn't, but that we were hoping to adopt a baby sometime soon to grow our family. She shared a conversation that she had just had with her daughter, who was expressing that she might not want to have children as she grows older. Chama told her daughter that there were "many ways to parent children" - or in a clearer context, that the prescripted parent/child roles are not the only way to share love, knowledge and companionship with children.
This struck both of us as more meaningful than the overused message that "It Takes a Village to Raise a Child." It was a message of openness, compassion, understanding and interconnectedness. It also allowed a peaceful acceptance that even if our current plans don't come to be, we have many important ways to contribute to the lives of the children around us.
One of the park rangers we met taught us that there are roughly 150 billion stars in each of 150 billion different galaxies. With a fuzzy awareness of the magnitude of this statement, our sense of our own personal significance shrank considerably. We think we understand how small we all are in the grand scheme of things. The most important aspect of this path we're on is being kind to each other, including "parenting" all of the children in our lives in the most appropriate way we know how, with love and acceptance. In the big picture, we don't have time here to worry about much of anything else. It was a freeing perspective.
We decided that the people we met in the hot springs were connecting and exchanging messages of kindness, as had been done there for hundreds of years in the past. Our job was to carry the message forward and make sure that the way we live our lives here for this brief period reflects the impact that this shared experience had on us. I wish you some big picture thinking tonight. Try to zoom out a few billion light years and decide if your current troubles should continue to worry you. Our time here is brief, and should be spent smiling.
We've been a little out of touch with you all. We escaped for over a week and headed to the southern part of our state and the northern part of our neighboring state, New Mexico, for a road trip to camp in the Colorado Plateau region. We explored the significant sites of the Ancestral Puebloans at Mesa Verde, Aztec and Chaco Canyon. We spent days observing the archaeological and Native American versions of the life and times of these people from 600 AD to 1300 AD. We learned a lot about the continuing thread connecting cultures from our past to present day. It gave us something to think about as we look ahead. What kind of mark do we want to leave?
The road was long, pensive, peaceful (except when it was time to break into song), and sometimes desolate. Always there were our imaginations, active and packed with daydreams of hundreds-of-years-old campfires under that same blanket of desert stars (we saw Saturn's rings through a telescope at Chaco Canyon!). We developed a new appreciation for the landscape that looks to go on forever, seemingly lifeless, dusty and sparse, but packed with wildflowers and countless species coming out of their winter spells and into the summer sun (we rode our bikes alongside two trotting mule deer who were very curious about our being in their desert meadows).
There are a number of stories from our trip that would warrant a post all on their own. Take for example, our feat of driving while hanging on to our bike rack through the sunroof because it had broken, dangling our bikes over the side of our car. Only gravity (and our brute strength) was keeping it and our bikes attached to the roof as we snaked through the gusty desert.
 |
| Only 60 miles to the next REI to get a new bike rack, hold on tight! |
 |
| Tiny dots in the dead center of this picture are people climbing the tallest dune, 750 feet! |
We spent 11 (eleven!) hours soaking in water ranging from 95 to 105 degrees Fahrenheit. We had access to 18 pools and people from all over were popping in and out of the tiny tubs to try out each one. It was a day of introductions, connections and wisdom exchanged. We shared time with people as far away as Germany and as local as a Southern Ute woman from the next town over. Maybe it was just that we were soaking in the heat, but the stories exchanged touched our hearts and opened up our souls to the experiences of those around us and to their connection to our own journey.
One woman in particular is now referred to as another sage in our story towards growing our family; we'll call her Chama. She asked "You have a daughter, right?" We responded that we didn't, but that we were hoping to adopt a baby sometime soon to grow our family. She shared a conversation that she had just had with her daughter, who was expressing that she might not want to have children as she grows older. Chama told her daughter that there were "many ways to parent children" - or in a clearer context, that the prescripted parent/child roles are not the only way to share love, knowledge and companionship with children.
This struck both of us as more meaningful than the overused message that "It Takes a Village to Raise a Child." It was a message of openness, compassion, understanding and interconnectedness. It also allowed a peaceful acceptance that even if our current plans don't come to be, we have many important ways to contribute to the lives of the children around us.
One of the park rangers we met taught us that there are roughly 150 billion stars in each of 150 billion different galaxies. With a fuzzy awareness of the magnitude of this statement, our sense of our own personal significance shrank considerably. We think we understand how small we all are in the grand scheme of things. The most important aspect of this path we're on is being kind to each other, including "parenting" all of the children in our lives in the most appropriate way we know how, with love and acceptance. In the big picture, we don't have time here to worry about much of anything else. It was a freeing perspective.
We decided that the people we met in the hot springs were connecting and exchanging messages of kindness, as had been done there for hundreds of years in the past. Our job was to carry the message forward and make sure that the way we live our lives here for this brief period reflects the impact that this shared experience had on us. I wish you some big picture thinking tonight. Try to zoom out a few billion light years and decide if your current troubles should continue to worry you. Our time here is brief, and should be spent smiling.
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