Parenting Books

Despite the claims of exasperated parents everywhere that there are no books telling them how to raise a child, there are in fact hundreds (maybe thousands) of titles on bookstore shelves claiming to lead these parents to the happiest, healthiest, hippest kid on the planet. There are books about sleeping, feeding, clothing, loving, disciplining, educating and so much more. There really is no excuse for not knowing what you're doing these days.

Except that books can't train you for your baby. Thank goodness we're not all wired the same way. It's a relief to know that human beings still maintain some shred of individualism and can throw curve balls at the "experts" who think they have it all figured out. Unfortunately, these experts succeed in selling millions of copies to desperate parents trying to get their baby to stop crying, sleep through the night, eat more variety or just generally be super cute and easy to care for. Once the neurotic parent has read these how-to manuals and inevitably fails at the execution of steps 1, 2 and 3, the guilt of not doing it "right" sets in. The happiest, healthiest, hippest kids I know are cared for by parents feeling their way along the murkiness of parenthood and doing what feels right for their family, not the latest trends in baby care.

In contrast to my general advice (because I'm an expert too, just an uninformed one) to just take it as it comes and do what feels best for you at the time, in this case we do have a book recommendation for parents everywhere. It's a parenting book that will make your most embarrassing, frustrating or feeling-incompetent stories about how you're parenting absolutely okay. Our only disclaimer is that the language is foul. Be ready to wince at some of the expressions within.

We read the book to each other last weekend and both of us shared moments of laughter and tears. It's well-written and, again from an uninformed perspective, describes what we're sure we'll experience someday. We can already relate to some of the scary moments in the story. However, mostly we were in stitches at the way seemingly benign trips to the grocery store or the playground are described. It crosses generations and we're sure most of you will get a kick out of it, young or old, kids or kid free.

Check it out at your local library and enjoy a few days of a funny tale. It will make all of your parenting decisions seem brilliant and it will also pierce your heart with the unconditional love of parenthood.

P.S. After you've read this and you assume that we're planning to parent with four letter words, please know that we've also recently acquired this:

Don't worry, kindness will always prevail in this house....but foul-mouthed sarcasm gets a nod every so often.

Dear All of Us

Sometimes the craziness of life can leave you feeling like you're gasping for air in the deep end of the pool. It's hard to remember that everything, and I mean all of it, is temporary. We don't have enough fingers to count the things that are unresolved and challenging in our lives right now. For me, the physical reaction is a tightness high in my chest that I try to take deep breaths to diffuse. We're just left with throwing our hands up and knowing that regardless of our stress levels life will continue on, however it is going to - on its own time, along its own twisty path. In the midst of this dizzying chaos, I found this plaque in a shop the other day and it resonated with me. So now, we own it and I try to read it multiple times daily as I catch my breath and wait for what's next. I'm passing it along in case you too are trying to stay afloat these days.

 

We were excited to learn that our neighborhood started a new Farmers Market last night (or rather, Farmer's Market, since there was only one farmer). We checked it out and it was a little dreamlike inside when we felt how happy and peaceful the place was while nestled along one of the busy thoroughfares through town in rush hour traffic. It was packed with our neighbors and a lot of hopeful feelings for a new traditional food truck dinner on Wednesdays in the 'hood. There were, of course, kids everywhere. The loved it. We just hoped it will last enough seasons that our own will get to enjoy it as well on these perfect summer evenings.

 

The live musician at the market sparked something in my house band's soul and when we came home and I stepped inside, this is what I found in our back yard minutes later.

 

 

There is goodness in the summertime. Easy livin' and peaceful evenings are for the taking. Summertimes' oppressive heat can force you to relax, without getting all of the chores done or coming to terms with everything that the air-conditioned day shot at you like a fire hose. Sometimes, you just have to stop and soak it in.

 

After our calming stroll through the neighborhood market, we even got a response from the agency on my standard three questions about the status of their work with potential birth mothers. They are working with women now who are due in the next couple of months. None of them are ready to look at profile books yet and, despite the urging of future grandparents to rush that part of the process, we appreciate the care it takes to make sure these women really want to make an adoption plan for their baby before showing them eager families waiting to adopt. It's a process that takes time to make sure it goes well. It is just very reassuring when we get hints that there is actually a process happening.

 

The irony in the lyrics and tone of this song rings true for me right now. Enjoy this as you sip on your summertime drink of choice tonight and remember us over here treading water, but livin' easy this summer, all at the same time.

 

http://youtu.be/LDF4_qVgbFU?t=1m30s



Average

Summer is in full swing. That means our days and evenings are packed with fun things going on outside. Our good friend asked me last week "How often do you two not have plans in the evenings after work?" The answer is rarely. At around the same time, another good friend sent us this article. Do yourself a favor and take the time to read through it. It's long, but important.

In the context of that article, I suppose our claims of being busy all the time could sound like boastfulness. The truth is that sometimes those busy plans consist of pulling a few weeds and sitting on the back deck, drinking wine and talking about how lucky we are to the sound of the bubbling water fall we created in our own little urban oasis. Sometimes I'll say no to any plan being made so that there's time for a weekly laugh with a good friend in CA, or sometimes I'm blocking out time for yoga so that I can maintain some semblance of patience with my life and the people in it. Once a week, Josh is "too busy" to do anything else because he's playing music with his band. We dedicate time to just being grateful for what we have and for enjoying it to the fullest during the seasons that allow us to be outside in it.

Today marks the nineteenth month that we've been working with our agency with the hope of growing our family. Eighteen months is often quoted as the "average" wait time for an adopting family to be placed with a baby. We met the newest member of our adoption group last week, the second baby placed with a couple in our circle of waiting parents. After hearing their story, it is again evident that no two journeys follow the same path. After our own three failed matches with what were touted as "our" babies, we know that there is nothing average about The Wait. With only two of the seven families in our group placed with their babies in the past 18 months, it seems even the average time it takes to Wait has been extended beyond the norm for us.

I'm sorry to report that we have no information from our agency about any planned placements any time soon. And so, we remain "too busy" with fulfilling activities during The Wait. We volunteer, exercise, grow food, play music and love our friends, family and ourselves. Nothing distracts us from the knowledge that we're Waiting. Not even a packed schedule could help us avoid that incessant truth. But, we don't stay busy to brag and avoid life, we stay busy to soak in everything life has to offer us in this present moment. And, there's a lot on the table if you're open to it. We're also open to the notion that at the end of our journey, we'll either be here:

 

or here:

 

Stay tuned to find out!

Thank you from the bottom of our busy, but full, hearts for your continued support.