The Baby Formerly Known as Meadow

Well, leave it to us to be hooked on a bunch of hippie, girl names and be matched with a bouncing baby boy. We loved Meadow, Brooke, Sierra, Ember, Ayla and so many others and they all had special meaning for us. From what we hear, girls can end up being a challenge later in the teen years (I wouldn't know), so I guess it's good that naming them is easy. Still, the options are so plentiful that we could have been matched with sextuplets and been fine if they were all female.

We're beyond blessed awaiting the arrival of our bundle of baby boy, however, and naming him is becoming an evening event around the table (and in the shower, and as I'm trying to fall asleep, and as I take notes on meeting attendees at work, and just about every second). Tonight such free-flowing, mind-blowing options as Lightswitch, Whiskey and Mahal came to mind. Are you worried?

Although A isn't expressing interest in naming him at this point, we received the recommendation to arrive at our meeting next week with a few boy names in mind. It really would be something special to have some options that she likes and to feel like we all had a hand in granting him that most personal and identifying gift in life, his name (unless he changes it).

Josh is working on the baby's symbol name (as in the "artist formerly known as") so we can bypass this whole effort. We'll just show up to our meeting with A carrying a number of sketches. I'm sure she'll love what he's come up with. After all, those were his gems of names up there when you began to worry. Don't worry on this though, he does draw pretty pictures.



We do have a list of criteria developed and with a last name like Schnabel, there is a lot to consider. We're leaning towards first names that end in -er or -t. Some of those rising to the top (tonight anyways) are Sutter, Brook, Myer, Parker and even Wyatt makes a showing sometimes. We'll keep you curious for now.

But, do notice that the comments on this post are open below, so feel free to chime in! (Oh whoops, I guess we didn't click that box on this post after all.) :-)

Karma - The Next Chapter in My Love Story

Just when you thought we had nothing more to report about the specialness of yesterday (that was an admittedly long post), except maybe what we ordered for dinner at our restaurant, we've come up with a few more details to share.

Full moon beams shining into our window last night.



We spent a very lovely dinner reliving 12 years of past memories and laughing at the karaoke-sounding music playing overhead. There was a sweet family with a little boy who was about 10 months old at the table nearby and he was distractingly cute. Another adorable, fleece bundled, baby boy was strolled in to pick up his parents' take-out. We were fast becoming surrounded and quickly had to think of something other than waiting to hear from birth mothers so we could continue to enjoy our date.

Thank goodness we have a trip to Thailand planned for the holidays! We began to ponder life in Bangkok and what we might be able to see before heading north to the village where the team is working. We paid the bill and sat to chat a little more over yet another cup of green tea.

Then, the BND rang and we heard that magic request from the agency, "Can we tell you a love story?" With only one BND and a busy street competing to be heard over a weak speaker phone, we hung up and walked (with a little run in our step) home as fast as we could. We could try that whole breathing thing again in ten minutes, if we could just get to our landline with a phone for each of us, and pry our hearts out of our throats.

We are not going to Thailand.

"A" (think A for angel instead of S for satan) is due with our baby boy on December 20th! Some minor complications with her pregnancy might mean he gets to come out early (12/12/12 maybe?), but either way, that's three short weeks away! And, since you're most certainly wondering, I did verify that she is a real, live pregnant person that has been seen by our agency team multiple times in the recent 6 weeks. She even lives within an hour of us and we get to meet her next Friday! I was supposed to be flying to Thailand that day, but um, yeah, oh well.

We learned enough to feel utterly and completely elated that this was happening. Something that you might remember us writing about during our training was a session where we had to say goodbye to the vision of the biological baby we had lost so we could make room to welcome in the joy of our little ones through adoption. We did a mini version of that last night. After peppering the agency ladies with all of the questions we could articulate through giant, teethy grins, we sat on the "grass" in the nursery (his room) and held hands.

We acknowledged each and every hope we'd formulated in recent months and put them in their place. These were all visions that we needed to give life to in order to welcome him in. We have been so open to everything and really had no way of knowing who would find us first. We sent little Meadow back to daydreamville. We let the twins know that we would not be needing another carseat nor to double the diapers, thank you very much. And, we glanced up and nodded at the artwork on the wall of a mama zebra nursing a baby that I bought when I was pregnant in Ethiopia. All of those hopes and dreams led us here. And, we're allowing ourselves to revel in the joy.

Please join us, yet again, on a journey of positivity. As you well know, we're not in the clear until he's here and in our arms. But at least this time there's a very clear connection already and we feel very confident that we'll be celebrating the start of all of our Christmas daydreams coming true. Finally.

Karma - My Love Story

On November 9, 2000, a very significant event took place in my life. I fell decidedly in love with my would-be husband in an instant. It wasn't love at first sight, but it hit me like a lightening bolt. We had become the closest of friends over the previous months. We laughed together in the truest form. When we were in the same city, we were inseparable. We nursed each other's scratched up hearts and we found an honesty that was unyielding.

A fellow Peace Corps Volunteer was celebrating his birthday that night at a popular restaurant in the capitol city, Niamey, called the Blue Hippo. We were a large group of folks out for some good pizza (not Naples good, but consider that our perspective came from ground up millet mush and slimy okra sauce in the bush) and dancing. A small crowd of us was on the dance floor in the middle of the evening and Josh and I were among them. Unbeknownst to him at the time, that was when it struck me...BAM! I had walked into the place with my friend Josh and I was walking out with my heart pounding.

It wasn't a look he gave me, a certain groovy dance move or anything obvious, but it just about knocked me over and I panicked. We were such good buddies, how could I let my feelings for him ruin this developing friendship? When it came down to it, I didn't have any control anyways. My heart wasn't going to be able to ignore these feelings regardless of what my head thought of the situation. Still, I didn't say anything to him about it, that night.

The next day, we embarked on a week-long AIDS awareness event. Twenty or so Peace Corps Volunteers were riding bicycles down one of the main highways in the country to attract attention from villages that we passed along the way. Once we had an audience, our education specialists conducted workshops on HIV/AIDS prevention. At night, we camped along the route, under the stars, in tents and mosquito nets.

On the first night, friend Josh and swooning Tiffany went for a walk to sit under a tree on the river bank to talk. Just when I thought I could begin to broach the subject of how my feelings for him had changed, he shared a little about his feelings for someone else who he had left at home in the States before moving to Africa. Doomed!

Or was I? In all of our chats, he had never mentioned this person, so she couldn't have been that important to him, right? After reading this blog, have you picked up on my endless optimism yet? At the end of the evening, I walked back into where the female volunteers were sleeping, tears welling up, but determined to prove to him that we were what was meant to be.

The next day was our first full day of the ride and we'd had so much fun teasing and making up different stories along the route that day. At one point, I remember telling my teammate that I was head over heels in love with him and could hardly contain it. She simply wished me luck and suggested that we might be married someday, which seemed obvious to me at the time. As we arrived at our final village of the day, we set up camp and gathered for dinner. When the sun finally set, a full moon was rising and setting the stage for the rest of our lives together.

After dinner, Josh said he was just going to go for a walk around the village, alone. My heart sank. I was sure that I had given it away and he was trying to distance himself from me. I thought I was becoming Pepe le Pew and he was Penelope Pussycat. In fact, he was just a boy who wanted to take a walk. So I took a walk too.

I walked for a long time under that full moon, along a still River Niger, and looked up often seeking guidance for the path ahead. I really thought I was all alone. I let myself cry some emotions out and tried to gather an understanding that this was a friendship not worth losing, so I had better pull it together. And then, he appeared.

I heard him before I saw him. His velvety voice was singing Billie Holiday's "The Moon Looks Down and Laughs" as he strolled, lit by moonbeams along a sandy path, with his hands in his pockets. It really felt as unlikely as if I'd run into him in a secluded chai shop in the middle of crowded Mumbai, which I realize is a bit of a doe eyed sense of reality considering there weren't many of us in the town, and fewer of us walking along the river. Still, we ran into each other. He gave me a hug and we kept walking together. I felt an understanding that we were going to begin a shared journey to see where it would take us, without any verbal commitment.

After everything we'd been through with relationships in our young lives so far, and in a country with village names like Djelibougou and Boulkassombougou, I've always thought it was particularly special that the name of this town where the sparks began to fly for us is Karma. We always celebrate anniversaries on full moons because of that sweet beginning. Simply, Karma is understood as that which drives the entire cycle of cause and effect.

Fast forward to 2010 and you'll find the happily married couple in Denver, Colorado. We're at home on a chilly night in November and hungry, but not interested in cooking. We decide to bundle up and walk down the street for noodles at a restaurant called Karma Asian Fusion. On the way, we look up and notice that it's a big, bright, clear, full moon...our dating anniversary from that special start 10 years prior...and we're on our way to Karma! I couldn't have planned it better, and really we didn't. In fact, we didn't plan it when the exact same thing happened in 2011. But, that second kiss from fate left an impression, and this year we planned it.

Tonight, we'll be on our way to Karma Asian Fusion for our dating anniversary dinner under the light of the full moon. After the twist of events our summer and autumn took, I'm more than hopeful that tonight's full moon brings Karma back our way. We've certainly put a lot of good out there. Could there be a better time to learn that our family will be growing soon? Keep your fingers crossed for us.

Giving Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving Day everyone! This is our favorite holiday and we've spent the morning reflecting on why. It can't get too gory like Halloween. Christmas is too commercialized and not everyone celebrates it. Other holidays aren't as focused on simply gathering family and just being grateful for what you have. We love it!

We're grateful today for all of you and the impact you've had in our lives. We're very happy to be here with each other and appreciate all of the love we've received in recent months. We're also grateful that the opportunity for our kids to find us is being explored as our book is shown to prospective birth mothers. I've mentioned this to a few people and it's always met with curious responses, so I realized we might not have shared what this part of the process looks like with you.

When a pregnant woman approaches our agency, she is provided counseling about her options. She receives support whether or not she decides to parent her baby. If she decides that she wants to place the baby with a family for adoption, then she is shown profile books of families who might match what she is looking for with regards to her preferences for her baby. Our profile book is linked on this website over there on the left, under our picture.

When I imagine that someone is looking at our book, I pick up our copy and try to feel what she might be feeling as she turns the pages of our lives. Josh and I have loved our book since we put the finishing touches on it last spring. It very clearly demonstrates our love for each other, our lifestyle and our values. Lately though, it's felt a little overwhelming to me as I stroll through the story. It's not as simple and straight forward as some of the others I've seen and I began to feel that we'd overdone it. The agency is consistent in saying that the book will speak to our birth mother, whenever that happens, so just be genuine. Josh said that, if anything, it shows we put a lot of effort into whatever we do. We just have to know that someone out there will like our style and not be overwhelmed by the details.

Yesterday, as if on queue to remind me that our seemingly over-the-top approach can resonate with people sometimes, we received the exciting news that we won first place at something near and dear to our hearts. Last August, we entered our chicken coop in a contest for best design and recycled material use through a regional gardening magazine. We received the winter edition and there we were, First Prize! We're pretty excited about it and we chuckled that the judges were impressed with the detailed thought that went into the design and construction. Everything we tend to do is nothing, if not detailed to death. So, I'm grateful to be reminded that this little personality quirk does achieve results sometimes.

 

 

Happy Thanksgiving! Give all of your family and friends extra love today.

We're giving thanks for all of you!

Grateful for the Strength of Hope

It feels worth it to check in on how I'm feeling tonight after such a fun weekend with family. If you haven't experienced significant loss in life (YAY!), you might not be aware of the mixed up emotions that come with it. At any peculiar trigger, I could be feeling relieved, sad, grateful, angry, hopeful and deprived. So, sometimes I like to call it like it is and own what I'm going through.

We had originally planned to be in Texas this week, celebrating Thanksgiving for the first time with my family there. When we found out about the fake match, we paid the change fee and scheduled my parents' flight to us instead, so they could meet the baby. The beginnings of a plan for a Welcome Home Party began and it was to be yesterday.

We had a wonderful weekend exploring the mountains of Colorado for a couple of beautiful and warm fall days. Only a couple of times did I express the pang of sadness that the reason for this visit didn't come to fruition. It mostly surfaced when we were in a shop selling Christmas decorations and the realization that the anniversary of another year without adding to our family of two is fast approaching. But even that familiar annual tummy knot was unraveled by the hope that the remaining months of the year will bring our baby(ies) home. That is what is worth mentioning; hope is winning these days.

When we experience grief over a loss, real or only the loss of something hoped for, certain things trigger the flood of emotions to return. For me, the triggers usually relate to a planned event that won't happen now as a result of the loss. I expected to be pretty down yesterday anytime that it hit me that we were "supposed to be" welcoming our baby girl home with dozens of friends and family around to share in the celebration, but I really wasn't down at all.

I enjoyed the visit and was grateful that my family wasn't that of the trolls that roam the earth to make others miserable. It marked the beginning of a week focused on all of our blessings and the good life for which we can be thankful. Team Hope expanded and we're gaining momentum. The dream that our babies are making their way to us in this very moment burns bright inside me right now.

The Truest Test

After writing reams of paper to share our autobiographies with the agency, days of training and hours of interviews, you'd think we felt ready for this parenthood thing. We decorated a nursery, bought and counted diapers and bottles until our heads were spinning, and stocked the shelves with books and the bins with soft toys. Still, only one true test would let us know that our little ones would find their way to us and be happy when they got here...toddlers!

Yesterday was a very funny day. I picked up my parents from Houston at the airport and we're looking forward to a great, late Fall weekend with them in clear-sky Colorado. We were back at home, relaxing and getting them used to the altitude, when Josh's cousin called from the airport, stranded, with two toddlers in tow. Right about 3:00, our neighbor came over to hide in a room upstairs and do a phone interview in the quiet of our house while a sitter watched the most adorable neighbors in her house next door.

So, by 4:00 pm, we had a dad sleeping in the basement, a neighbor chatting with us on the couch and a family of four ringing the doorbell for a surprise afternoon playdate. Plan, Schman! It was really awesome. In the midst of the excitement, the agency was letting us know that they are still working with a couple of birth mothers who haven't made any decisions yet, but who are due in December!

I think we and all of our house guests sailed through the chaos of the afternoon. Thank goodness we never got around to raking up all the leaves in the backyard.

There was a family concert in the music room by early evening and the final test on our nursery's preparedness came just before our cousins departed to return to the airport and try to get to another family gathering in Kentucky.

At first, Averie was not pleased with the lack of enough International People Puzzle pieces to make their way around the circle rug (or grass as it's now known). But, she improvised and it seems we had all the parts required to encircle her in a good time in that cozy, love-filled kid room.

I loved the transformation of the circle from people holding hands
to music shaker eggs to stuffed animals to books to one happy kiddo!

National Adoption Month

We've already spent 12 days of it in ignorance, but I just learned today that November is National Adoption Month! (Thanks, Morning Edition.) The goal is to raise awareness that there are kids waiting to be loved through foster care, and also to celebrate the bonds that unite families through adoption in all forms. We can't know yet how our story will unfold because it is still being written. We'll spend the rest of the month focused on this celebration and on the simple mantra "it really does happen", since it has for so many hundreds of thousands of others. Congratulations to those of you with this part of the journey behind you and we'll light our candle of hope for the rest of us so our little ones can find their way to our hearts. As my dear friend put it, an adoption journey is not for the weak. But, each of us is committed for our unique reasons and we can't wait to wrap our arms around each other in an even bigger family hug.

If you find a way to bring it up to someone you think will listen, remember to pass along our story (the good, waiting and hopeful parts). You just never know how our kids will find us and you could be our missing link!

And, if you need some talking points.... :-)

Presidential Proclamation -- National Adoption Month, 2012

NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH, 2012

- - - - - - -

BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

A PROCLAMATION

As a Nation that believes all children deserve the chance to reach their full potential, we have a fundamental responsibility to ensure each of them grows up knowing the love and protection of a permanent family. During National Adoption Month, we give voice to children who are still waiting for that opportunity, celebrate the bond that unites adoptive parents with their sons and daughters, and recommit to providing every child with the care and security that will nurture their development and well-being.

 

Later this month, many Americans will also mark National Adoption Day by completing a foster care adoption and embracing a new member of their family. Driven by reasons unique to their households but united by the spirit of compassion that moves all who choose to adopt, these parents will take up our country's most important task -- the work of raising our sons and daughters. As we celebrate the contributions of adoptive parents across our Nation, let us also strive to eliminate discriminatory barriers that would separate foster children from a loving family. Adoptive families come in many forms, and it is essential that all qualified adults have the opportunity to care for a child in need.

 

My Administration remains committed to helping every child find a loving home. We have partnered with faith-based and community organizations across America to help connect children with adoptive parents, and we continue to work with State, local, and tribal governments to improve child outcomes; enhance safety, permanency, and well-being; and support adoptive families. I was proud to sign the Affordable Care Act and the International Adoption Simplification Act, which have made it easier for families to adopt, as well as the Child and Family Services Improvement and Innovation Act, which will help reduce the length of time young children are without families. We have built on those efforts as part of the National Adoption Campaign, which continues to bring adoption and foster care into our national conversation.

 

Thousands of children living in America hope for the comfort and safety of a loving family. This month, we pay tribute to the dedicated professionals who help make those children's dreams a reality, sharpen our resolve to find a permanent home for every child, and celebrate the stories of all whose lives have been touched by adoption.

 

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim November 2012 as National Adoption Month. I encourage all Americans to observe this month by answering the call to find a permanent and caring family for every child in need, and by supporting the families who care for them.

 

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this first day of November, in the year of our Lord two thousand twelve, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-seventh.

 

BARACK OBAMA

Hope

"I have always believed that hope is that stubborn thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us so long as we have the courage to keep reaching, to keep working, to keep fighting." - Barack Obama

Sure, there were a lot of memorable moments throughout our evening last night as we flipped between muted television news coverage of election results and three different on-line sources with substantive reporting. We watched both gracious speeches at the tail end of the night, eyes barely open, and rallied for our country with the best of them.

I have to say that in my own self-involved world, this quote from Obama's speech hit me the hardest. For me, on our roller coaster ride of waiting for information on our dream of growing our family, it came just in time this week and I'm firmly rooted back on Team Hope with all my heart.

Election Day - GO VOTE!

 

Most of the people I know in this country have had others in the past who fought hard on their behalf for the right to vote. I'm one of those who votes in person on election day, despite candidates pleading that I vote early, or mail in my ballot. It brings tears to my eyes each and every time that I walk out with my sticker proclaiming that "I Voted!" Really, it does.

 

Each election I remind myself that there was a time when I wouldn't have been able to vote, that I was deemed unqualified simply based on my gender (until 1920!). That infuriates me enough to get me up and marching to the ballot box (and Josh says there is a little march in my step when I go). It's also important to remember that we have many friends in countries around the world still fighting for their right to vote. It is not something to take for granted.

The outcome might not be what you want. I've lived through my share of disappointments as the tallies came rolling in - picture a group of grimy, hopeful Peace Corps Volunteers in the African bush huddled around a chalkboard with all states' electoral count listed and the static on the shortwave radio in the middle of the night in 2000. Still, it is your obligation to be a part of this community, your community.

 

A friend from West Africa visited us during our wedding, which was weeks before a local election in 2006. When he observed life in San Francisco, he said he would always vote for taxes in Niger if it meant that their streets would be paved, their needy would be cared for instead of hungry and their kids were educated. In Niger, he complained, the money just disappears and the people suffer. As you question whether or not you can afford to vote for another tax hike for schools or city infrastructure,

consider whether you can afford not to.

 

Whatever it is that you want to happen in your hometown, just go vote for it!

 

To keep with the focus of this blog being about our growing family, the obligation to vote is yet another commitment to community that our kids will know. I always find myself humming a favorite Ani DiFranco song on election day. I leave you with the first verse of Paradigm:

 

i was born to two immigrants
who knew why they were here
they were happy to pay taxes
for the schools and roads
happy to be here
they took it seriously
the second job of citizenry
my mother went campaigning door to door
and holding to her hand was me

i was just a girl in a room full of women
licking stamps and laughing
i remember the feeling of community brewing
of democracy happening

Dia de los Muertos

Once Halloween is over and the costumes are put away, we move through Tiffany's birthday to our Day of the Dead traditions. Each year on November 2nd, we go through treasured photographs of our friends and relatives who have passed away and build a little altar of remembrance.

This isn't a sad holiday! It's truly a happy one as we conjure up all sorts of fun memories, peaceful thoughts and inspiration. Unfortunately, it seems lately we've had someone to add to the photo altar each year and we miss them all immensely. We make no claims to know what happens after they are no longer with us, but they do live on in our memories. It's refreshing to pause and just spend time reflecting on the life lessons we have learned from each soul who has touched us.

We light a candle, lay out pictures, add a few mementos we know some of them would like, bake sweet pan de muerto to satiate their appetites, sprinkle marigolds around and top off the display with Pedro, our sugar skull decoration from some dear friends in San Francisco.



What does this have to do with growing a family you ask? Well, this is one of our family traditions. These traditions are what we hope to introduce our kids to someday and we wanted to wrap you all into the fold. The most rewarding part of the day is looking through the pictures and devoting some attention to those great memories from the past. If you have some time tonight, consider some dedicated happy memory time. We really enjoy it!

All has been quiet from the agency this week. We hear they are meeting a couple of new birth mothers, but those women will have their own wish lists for who they want to parent their baby(ies). Of course, there are no guarantees that any news will trickle down to us. We only hope that in the midst of our moving through the frustrations of the last four months, our little one(s) find their way to us soon and begin their journey into our home.

Hey, that's cool! I just used the word hope again. "That doesn't make you happy?"
- Fezzik, in The Princess Bride
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yokQ0_8__ts (great clip, for fun)