Thursday, August 30, 2012

Questions from you with no answers from us...

We learned a lot last night about specific requirements to bring our baby home to Colorado. They involve meetings between state agencies, attorneys and T, paperwork for all of us to sign and when, doctor's clearances and more than likely lots of tears of both joy and sorrow.

Very little of what is left is in our hands. We don't know how long we'll need to stay in California and that depends on a number of questions that there are no answers to yet. We're considering at least two weeks after she's born. And no, we don't know when she'll be born. Who ever does when a new baby is expected?!

If you're reading this blog, you likely know us well enough to have a sense of our drive for details. In the coming weeks, we respectfully ask that you assume that any question, concern, curiosity, worry, fear, hope and dream you might be feeling has already been experienced by us, ten times over. :-)

Check here first for updates. If it isn't on this blog, we don't know or we're not ready to share it yet. If your question starts with "why haven't they..." or "what if she...", we really can't hear it right now. Really. Just rephrase it to "how are you feeling?" and we will probably be able to find words to describe what we're going through at that moment, maybe! That's the best way to show us you care and are interested in what's going on.

You all know Tiffany to be a talker. Rest assured you'll get news here as soon as it's ready for prime time. We promise you'll get all the pertinent details. All in good time. Until then, please pray for us, send us love beams (and remember to send them to T and baby Meadow too!) and ship boatloads of good vibes our way.

Most importantly, thank you for sharing this journey with us.
Clarity from the Coming Full Moon

The full moon cycle always holds a special place in our hearts. I've known it was coming this Friday and hoping that it might bring with it additional feelings of peace and confidence as we head into this next phase of our journey. Last night, after a three and a half hour meeting with our agency, this was the view in the windshield on our long drive home:

The clouds parting and the moon beginning to shine through. This is the light along our (fast) approaching path to parenthood.

We've said it so many times to so many people, we've never heard two adoption stories that are the same. Ours will be no different. It will be unique and it has not yet been written. In our search for answers to what it might look like, we've had to remember that no one can tell us what this will be. We just have to wait and see, hear, feel, taste and smell it as it unfolds. Now, we feel better prepared to do that.
My, how the adoption paperwork changes!

As we look at the binders of information we've tried to keep organized on this process and learn more and more about different forms and records that will need to be filed, it's amazing how much goes into making sure we're all doing our best at preparing for this adoption. The agency has four different files for us already! To offset the necessary bureaucracy with something fun, Tiffany has been diligent in compiling pictures, tales and advice from grandparents to create Meadow's baby book.

When Tiffany was much younger, she adopted dolls called Cabbage Patch Kids. As some of her old keepsakes are surfacing in preparation for a new daughter in the family, Tiffany's "kids" showed up, papers and all. We got a good laugh at how some things don't change in a person. Personality traits are just more developed.

This morning, Josh found this in the bag of Cabbage Patch Kids keepsakes:


True to form, there was also a "Baby Book: 7 Pages of Neat Things About Kay Cathy". It's a good thing that the process we're going through now will be better documented than on colored construction paper, but it's still fun to see how this openness to adoption and the organization required to try to keep up with the process might have started decades ago!

Monday, August 27, 2012

The Unlikely Bonds that Bind

We let T know on Thursday that we'd been informed that our excitement was overwhelming her and that we planned to give her some space to move into this next phase without us intruding on those emotions. In response, she called to share that she has every intention to continue to update us and that she is happy that we're excited. Also, she's happy that we've already worked out a lot of what her wishes are for the baby's delivery, what the hospital will allow and that we're on the same page with our communications staying open and honest in these final weeks.

She also shared that she can't be expected to be as excited as we are. I told her that while we've considered adoption for years, our certainty about our path only came after we lost our baby last year. Only then did we have the sense that we felt a fraction of what our baby's birth mother would be going through as the baby passed from her loving arms to ours. I tried to reassure her that her loss in this love triangle is always at the forefront of our minds. We remain mindful of what she must be feeling, even as we paint another animal or fold diapers and onesies for the 100th time.

Her response calmed all of our fear that we had overstepped any imaginable boundaries between us. She said "That's why I like talking with you. I know you can relate to how this loss feels." We know we can't truly understand everything in her heart, but we're comforted hearing that she feels our compassion. She loves that baby more than anything and to go through the entire pregnancy and not be able to watch her grow up will always be with her. We can only hope that she knows how lucky we feel that she trusts us to raise her and provide all the love we can.

I was sure when we lost our baby last year that there was no good, bad or indifferent reason for that happening to our family. I convinced myself that even when some random thing in the future presented itself as a sound excuse for the pain we endured, that I didn't need that sorrowful life lesson to be able to handle it. And, I still maintain that I didn't need that experience to teach me compassion. But I will admit that this unique form of empathy might have been what we needed to be bonded with T.

This will be our baby's story. We have a connection through loss that will envelope Meadow in love.

Friday, August 24, 2012

But, How Can the Stork Fly with a Baby So Young!

The biggest question from folks has been "Are you sure you can fly with a baby that young?!" All of the Internet searching and chatting with other adopting families yielded some confidence that we were okay to do so. Not until we heard from the pediatrician yesterday were our concerns put to rest.

The biggest issue is not the pressure in her tiny ears, though we'll try to make sure she's feeding during take off and landing to alleviate some of that pain. What concerns the doctors the most is the exposure to recycled air with all those potentially sick people for a couple of hours. She'll be particularly vulnerable to catching something at her young age, so we'll have to keep her close and covered as much as possible.

We considered driving back to Colorado from California, a drive we've made a few times already. The case was made that if we're up in the sky and there's an emergency, we would have to wait to land if we needed help. After enduring the drive through Nevada and Utah multiple times in my life, I would propose we'd be better off for two hours in the sky than for 10 hours through the desert, with only the desert rodents to help us.

A shot from our move to Colorado in 2008

There are some additional requirements, in the form of doctor's notes, that the airline will impose if she's younger than 14 days. That will just be added security knowing that she's carrying a clean bill of health. So, flying it is!

Our pediatrician has also adopted twice. We feel really lucky to have found her so close. She gave us additional tips on how to approach this uncertain phase. It was very comforting to speak with someone who has experience with what we're wading into. She's just another member of the colony welcoming our baby home.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

The Non-Update Update

We've come to expect it. There's a meeting or an appointment scheduled and it should produce a lot of answers to new questions. Then after it passes, no new information was really gained.

Today was the first scheduled doctor's appointment since we met T. We were anticipating this appointment since we first spoke. We were told we'd get a lot more information when she went to the doctor next. We'd know the status of the baby's health in there and maybe even narrow in on a delivery date. Not so much.

The great news is that T's experiencing normal symptoms and all is well with the baby. She will be scheduled for another ultrasound in the coming week. That ultrasound will tell us how big the baby is getting and whether or not she's in position to come on out and meet us.

We also learned that if she does deliver through a cesarean section, and she wants any of us in there, only one of us can be in the room with her. She said we'd have to arm wrestle to decide who gets to witness this miracle. Josh is coming up with some creative ways to lobby for position, but I'm standing my ground as well. Hopefully it will be a natural birth that we both get to experience!

The stats are that she's still at 1 cm and we're just going to have to sit tight for the next data set from the to-be-scheduled ultrasound. Mostly, we're just thrilled that she choses to update us as things happen.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

We got to spend a really fun weekend with our niece and nephew this weekend. We visited the zoo, ate ice cream for dinner, created a new hit in the studio and had a marathon Monopoly game. It has been interesting in recent weeks to hear the kids in our world reflect on what our new lives will be like with Meadow around. Their minds are mulling it over and out of nowhere, something about her arrival comes out. It seems kids get excited for new parents too! (Or maybe they're just excited to finally get cousins out of us.)

After much anticipation, preparations for our trip to California have finally begun in our home and with our agency. We're starting to see the trickle in of information about what to expect on the legal side and more fun stuff, like what to pack. We've done a lot of Internet searching to learn what people recommend when going to pick up your adopted newborn. And like all of the others before us, we know full well that we're packing too much! :-)


I'd like to see some of you try to narrow down the clothing when you don't know if you're going to be gone for 5 days or a month. Plus, they're just all sooooo cute and fun to play with and imagine her in. We also have three different ways to wrap her up close to us while we travel. And, of course, we have to have musical accompaniment in the form of a little ukulele. The photo above captures most of what she needs, minus some bottles being sterilized and a few diapers. Otherwise, we'll just have to get our bags together and hit the sky.

We're in the two week countdown to our departure. No telling when she'll actually arrive, but we're hoping she waits until we're at least in the state. We're getting there just as fast as we can and we're sending her lots of love beams in T's tummy to just sit tight and keep growing big and strong!

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Reality Knocking...

That treasured update from T came just in time last Friday. She had been relatively quiet towards the end of the week and, of course, we wondered. Wondered if she'd gone into labor. Wondered if she was just overwhelmed by us. Wondered if she was simply too sleepy, hot and pregnant to bother to write.

When she resurfaced in the form of a phone call, we got a much needed update! She had been to the ER because she wasn't feeling well and had painfully swollen hands, legs and feet. She was thoroughly examined and she and baby are doing fine. T is already dilated to 1 cm with just a few more weeks to go. She also let us know that Meadow's head is down and in position.

We had our usual great chat, continuing to get to know each other. The topic of delivery comes up and then fades away. We tread lightly so as not to bring the inevitable bitter sweet moment too close to the surface before any of us are ready for it.

We let her know that our tickets are in hand and that we'll be there in a couple of weeks. We all hope Meadow will hang on at least that long so we can be together when she emerges into this world.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Here we go…
Life abounds in Meadow’s room already. There’s a giraffe in the grass now, looking intently at the crib, and the banyan tree has grown leaves over the last week. The stars will soon come out at night to the sound of crickets and owls. For the next couple of weeks we’ll be putting just a few touches (although I hesitate to call them “finishing” touches) on her room, and our house will be even closer to “ready” for our eventual return from Fresno as a family of three.

We’re doing what we can to fluff our nest before taking flight, and it’s keeping us as busy as ever. In the midst of all this, her room is by far the most peaceful place in our home, and we both long for the time when we can just be in there together with her. I am more and more comforted by the thought of the three of us at peace, with her finally safely in crib and the two of us taking a much needed (but likely very brief) nap on the floor beside her.
The distance between that moment and this one, however, feels almost infinitely vast. From here to there we have packing, planes, hospitals and hotels, first meetings, unforeseen challenges, emotional mountains… more of the unexpected that we have now learned to expect. Thankfully, we have had the support of friends and family, and others who have gone through this and whose stories are strikingly similar. Just last night we had the fortune of talking to someone who told a detailed account of her trip to Nevada several years ago to meet her baby boy. What an emotional ride, and yet so comforting to realize they made it through. Comfort like that is a rare treat in the bewilderment of expectation when you can barely feel the ground underfoot. It has taught us to keep some perspective. When we feel like we have no control, we try to remember what we can control: our thoughts; our choice of hope over fear.    
The view from Meadow’s window is of the west. And as we wait, we imagine her out there way beyond, across all those jagged mountains and sandy desert valleys. I wonder how it will feel to tell her this story, her homecoming, as we gaze out that window together someday. I keep my focus there while also trying to stay rooted in the present. Sometimes it seems like things could hardly be less clear and straightforward, but we’re grateful for what has gone so well so far. When all the flapping and dust of frantic nest building settles at the end of the day, we lie on the floor in her room, look up at her tree, and imagine peace. Ironically, while many would not describe having a newborn in their lives as anything other than complete chaos, for us it will be a most sublime form of peace. I can hardly wait.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Yay, Family Tree Complete!



Other than not having time to add more animals to the scene, our family tree is complete in Meadow's room. We've adorned it with roots, leaves and pictures of immediate family for her to begin to settle into her new world. We just need one more picture of T and her kids to complete the story.

And, as if we needed a reminder what the path we're on is going to lead to, we spent the weekend in Paonia, enjoying life at a farmhouse inn. The road at the end of the lane was:



Coincidence? We think not.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Staying Rooted

My trip to Burkina Faso was a great success! I'm happy to report that the 10 days passed quickly and, as expected, I'm thrilled to have had the opportunity to work with this team. Thoughts of our journey into parenthood were with me all the way, but it was refreshing to have a forced focus on work, for which I feel a great personal passion. Talking to people about their daily lives is what I thrive on. I value their input into the work we're trying to do, in this case providing solar power to schools and health clinics. If the systems don't work for them when we're not around, they won't work. We spent a lot of time troubleshooting and developing maintenance plans to keep things running.

It was rewarding to be useful in providing translation, but it was also a real treat to be immersed in a West African culture again. It was also fun to be reminded of how casually our West African counterparts develop friendships with us and how genuine their laughter and acceptance in life is. Although this community was predominantly Christian and Niger is populated by Muslims, some regional cultural norms transcend religious practices and it just felt like home.

Still, I came home hoping to learn of our baby's due date and if there were any current updates on the progress with the paperwork surrounding this process. Nothing to report on that front. In this final home stretch, we're about a month away, I'll be focused on important meditations we learned in training about staying grounded like a 100 year old tree is connected to the earth. There is going to be a lot that rocks the boat in the next few weeks, but if we can remember that this is all unfolding as it should and at the right pace, we'll be able to ride the waves. I saw a lot of trees on my trip that will aid in this focus on staying grounded. The strong Fig tree is a constant reminder of longevity and maintaining roots to our solid foundation.