The Unlikely Bonds that Bind

We let T know on Thursday that we'd been informed that our excitement was overwhelming her and that we planned to give her some space to move into this next phase without us intruding on those emotions. In response, she called to share that she has every intention to continue to update us and that she is happy that we're excited. Also, she's happy that we've already worked out a lot of what her wishes are for the baby's delivery, what the hospital will allow and that we're on the same page with our communications staying open and honest in these final weeks.

She also shared that she can't be expected to be as excited as we are. I told her that while we've considered adoption for years, our certainty about our path only came after we lost our baby last year. Only then did we have the sense that we felt a fraction of what our baby's birth mother would be going through as the baby passed from her loving arms to ours. I tried to reassure her that her loss in this love triangle is always at the forefront of our minds. We remain mindful of what she must be feeling, even as we paint another animal or fold diapers and onesies for the 100th time.

Her response calmed all of our fear that we had overstepped any imaginable boundaries between us. She said "That's why I like talking with you. I know you can relate to how this loss feels." We know we can't truly understand everything in her heart, but we're comforted hearing that she feels our compassion. She loves that baby more than anything and to go through the entire pregnancy and not be able to watch her grow up will always be with her. We can only hope that she knows how lucky we feel that she trusts us to raise her and provide all the love we can.

I was sure when we lost our baby last year that there was no good, bad or indifferent reason for that happening to our family. I convinced myself that even when some random thing in the future presented itself as a sound excuse for the pain we endured, that I didn't need that sorrowful life lesson to be able to handle it. And, I still maintain that I didn't need that experience to teach me compassion. But I will admit that this unique form of empathy might have been what we needed to be bonded with T.

This will be our baby's story. We have a connection through loss that will envelope Meadow in love.