The wide-eyed feeling of jumping into that big unknown

For anyone who might be curious to know how it feels to be on the path to adoption, I can compare it to the way I felt during the moments leading up to when I proposed to Tiffany at the top of Yosemite Falls several years ago. Neither of us had been to that point before, even though Tiffany spent an entire childhood of family vacations camping and rafting the valley, and neither of us, for our own separate reasons knew exactly what to expect that day. As we climbed up, and up, …and up (puff puff) the trail together, getting higher and closer to the top, the excitement of what was to come in the moments ahead became more and more palpable. Trying to contain that excitement became a kind of mental game, and I remember using little tricks to keep myself from blowing the whole surprise: I would legitimate the glowing, giddy smile on my face by taking a deep breath, looking out over the valley and expressing my awe at the scenery (boy, was I getting all emotional about the outdoors that day); or during a photo op, I would just subtly move my hand to point at the pocket where the ring was waiting—a little joke to myself. Little distractions like that were essential to keep my cool. In much same way, I feel like making our birthmother book, writing our life stories, sharing our thoughts on this blog, going through the training, painting the baby’s room… all these little things are simply fun little games to offer us an emotional outlet to deal with the extraordinary sense of excitement in the midst of a profound unknown. 

It’s been quite a journey so far, a leap of faith and an emotional ride that is likely to get even more intense. In a childish sort of way, Space Mountain actually comes to mind; it’s a ride where you can’t exactly see the gut-mixing series of dives and twists about to happen, but you know they’re right ahead of you. This is one of those times when it’s best to just close your eyes and take it all in, enjoy the thrill of it. It’s a mind-blowing thing to absorb, the fact that we’re inviting someone into our home for the rest of our lives. And with completely open hearts we’re welcoming the change it brings for us. We will emerge from this as a family of more than two, which is the only thing we’ve known so far.

We feel more and more encouraged as we embark on this course together and as our little secret makes its way around to family and friends and our circle of support grows. Our gratitude to all of you reading this is beyond words. As we climb higher on the trail, looking back at the view from here and seeing how far we’ve come, emotionally and otherwise, we’re driven to keep trekking up the path, taking whatever comes in stride and letting the excitement and anticipation grow.