Good People
You might be feeling like all of your emails and phone calls can't possibly be helping us, especially when we all believe that good things happen to good people and, well, this isn't a good thing. However, it's just been a continuous stream of love and prayers for us and that's a constant reminder of all of the good people we've surrounded ourselves with in our life together. Your support is all we need to remember that this current situation does not represent a reality we live in. Sure, we're a little more sensitive to it because we don't watch the TV shows depicting this nonsense, the news screaming it at us, or read the on-line articles (until recently) about how crazy some people are. For those of us who don't allow the crap in, this is particularly unreal.
Before you build us up to be helpless, naive bunnies though, we did not spend recent weeks just sitting here in this hotel crossing all fingers and toes until our baby was born, remaining blind to the evidence in front of us. We mean it when we say we committed to trust completely, and doing so was nearly impossible through the clouds of doubt. However, that was the only way not to go crazy and to still stay true to the people we are.
Once, and just once early on during our stay here, I allowed myself to act on my doubts. Because T and I had had a lot of jovial conversations, I ventured into a sarcastic text one day to get confirmation that our hope was still valid. I told her that I hoped she wasn't one of those crazy girls who pretended to be pregnant. She was silent for hours. I bawled myself into a daytime nap, sure that I had offended her. When she finally did resurface, she said I'd gone too far, considering "all they made [her] go through to prove the pregnancy." Oddly, though not as odd in hindsight, she recovered quickly and was joking again in no time. Never again did I allow my commitment to trust waiver. It did not feel good to be that person who cast doubt on the trials of others, and I didn't want to doubt her and be wrong in doing so.
However, it is now more and more clear that she was not to be trusted with our hopes and dreams. Each day we plan to update you, the updates are ugly. We don't have all of the details yet, but this is the stuff of television programming that we just don't normally subject ourselves to, so we feel like it's uniquely nauseating that it's happening to us. "Unbelievable" is the public-blog-for-viewing-families way of putting this tale. You'll see in a day or two.
We're left with pits in our stomachs, but we still have no regret that we trusted so openly. It's who we are, and I feel better when I'm trusting people than when I'm mentally destroying them. Just because bad things happen to good people, doesn't mean good people need to turn bad. We're too stubborn to be reduced to that lifestyle.
Thank goodness we're not the only ones out there. We know you're all in the good people camp too and we're grateful for that!
