 |
This photo is from our first visit to the doctor after we learned we were pregnant last year. I had been warned that it was pretty special, but no one could prepare me for the flood of emotions as we began to hear that consistent "shh, shh, shh" of the heart beat represented by the numbers and doctor garbledegook on the monitor screen. It was unreal, but so real. Of course so little else was developed, but that heart beat was there and strong and let me know that a connection had been formed.
And then, it stopped. Just disappeared. We went in for the next visit and it couldn't be found. Our doctor searched and searched, for our benefit I'm sure, but it was just silent. I'm convinced that ours stopped too for a split second as the realization came over us and we saw our baby just laying there motionless on the screen.
The heart is a funny thing. It's sometimes represented as a cartoon figure of the love emotion. Sometimes, there's a scientific understanding of its vital function to keep us all going. Ancient Egyptians believed we thought with our hearts, and so discarded the brains, but kept the heart organ to bury with the deceased. It's probably still true, some of us do think with our hearts...thank goodness.
A connection through the heart beat is one of those first things that a baby begins to understand about their environment. After that tumultuous experience of being squeezed out of its comfort zone, it seeks that constant beat it has come to know and love in the womb, its mama's heart. In an adoption story, that heartbeat changes into a new sound at placement and even the very thing our baby relies on to be familiar will be different.
Grandparents beware...this next part is going to be hard to read!
We learned this weekend just how important it will be to introduce our heart beat to our babies. Our babies will have had 9 months in the womb (we hope) to establish a familiar connection to their mama's heartbeat. That will be what they're seeking when we bring them home with us and everything is new and different. We'll then begin introducing them to the pounding love in our hearts and making sure they are familiar with us as they begin their new lives.
As expectant adoptive parents, we agree with the agency that it is very important that we're the only ones holding the babies and connecting with them. They need to first come to know us intimately as we have a lot to catch up on in establishing that connection. We'll be very focused on our little family of mommy, daddy and babies. The recommendation is that we're the only ones to hold them for the first 8-12 weeks. We ask for your understanding and respect in that effort. We KNOW this will be hard. I asked the agency if we could give you all their number when the complaints come rolling in. :-)
As an expectant adoptive mother, I feel a need to establish that two-way connection that I'll be getting a late start on. After our experience last year, it is important to me to learn our babies' heartbeats as well and introduce them to ours. They are going to be our babies and I want to make sure they know us as their safe place, mommy and daddy.
