For those of you who joined the world of TaJ after our move to Colorado, there's something to explain. We got married on 10/07/06, but that wasn't as significant as the selection of a day that coincided with a full moon. For us, we give a nod to October 7th, but we celebrate our anniversary on the October full moon each year. So, while there has already been a reference to our anniversary in a previous post this month, we really see today as the big day.
Unfortunately, after a much needed weekend away with friends in the mountains and a great costume potluck with our adoption group last night, I woke up sad on our anniversary. It's bound to happen. We did say this was a roller coaster. The grieving process isn't linear and that makes for surprising set backs to those familiar stages of depression, or even more anger. Today, I was just sad, despite the face painted on in the picture below.
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| (Sorry to those of you who are scared of clowns.) |
Thanks to a very good friend, who has been supportive in countless ways throughout this ordeal, for sending me the video below today. Admittedly, it was hard for me to watch. I finally broke down when the subject shares the date of her baby's birth. For me, it ties to our due date last year and the time period that this year's baby was to be due. Of all of the September 11th dates when we've hoped for something happy, why couldn't we have been matched with this sweet girl who was due at the same time? Different elements of this journey will hit each of us differently. For me, the date is significant.
But the message in the video is an important one. This young teen is trying to get the word out about open adoption. She wants a different story told than the one depicted on "Teen Mom" or "I'm Having Their Baby". It really is a beautiful message. My frustration lies in the fact that I'm not living that message. Mine has been very different and that pisses me off. I think we deserved to be matched with someone like this emotionally mature, genuine young lady, not Satan (there, now you know her real name). It was a good day to receive this gift of a positive shared story. I'm passing it on to everyone here in an effort to get more positive vibes flowing through our connections again.
Later this evening, we began our anniversary ritual of reading our vows aloud to each other and watching the video our family made of our special day. With our stiff dancing and a groomsman speech that wouldn't end, let's just say it's not a highlights reel. But, it was a beautiful, love-filled day and we're not yet old enough to have forgotten that! What hit me the most in this year's viewing is that our officiant, "Deputy Jim", said he hopes that as we look back on our wedding day in the future, that we remember it as the day when we loved each other the least.
That day, we each promised to stick with each other through any challenges. Today, it took a revisit to our commitment to do so to make me realize that even when I'm sad, I'm lucky. I feel so fortunate that we've grown to love each other even more than we did on that fairy tale day six years ago. I am proud that the adversity we've endured in the last two and a half years (beginning with the devastating loss of Josh's brother too young, then the hope and demise of our own pregnancy, and now this garbage) has only brought us closer and more deeply connected to each other instead of tearing us apart, as we've been warned can sometimes happen.
At the end of the evening, we managed to live up to the well-wishes of a Happy Anniversary after all, under a bright, full moon.
Tonight, our love beams go to our family and friends in the eastern U.S. We have too many people over there facing that super storm this week. We're sorry that our full moon celebration is rising the tides even more. All of our love is headed your way. We hope you feel it washing over you!
