Becoming Summer

The western sky is showing that familiar evening pattern, horizontal bands of alternating baby-blue sky and bright pink clouds as the sun descends over the mountains. From my perch in the upstairs office as I type this blog, I’m gazing out the window at that patch of sky framed in by the verdant green of our elm trees, now in full summer foliage.These are the longest days of the year and there’s more than enough daylight to go around. From now until the middle of June, which is really just around the corner, we can take our time to revel in these early mornings and long evening hours.
It’s hard to believe that five months have already passed since we first met with Jude. In the days after that pinky swear we made to each other when we committed to this path, there was still ice on the ground each morning. Coming out from under the winter, springtime was a breath of fresh air; the crocuses came up in the days before we met our new group of friends on this journey. And then the nest building began and still continues.

It seems apt that we have now emerged from that first phase of spring—through all the photo collecting and storytelling to at last cast our bottle of hope into the ocean—and we find ourselves now in the early summer heat. The next new season is now upon us as we wait, sometimes in the doldrums but more often, honestly, with wind in our sails.   

I was recently telling a former coworker and friend of mine about a family of blue jays that, for some reason or another, recently decided to make a home in that elm tree in the back. We first became aware of this as we lay in bed at 5.30, already wide awake as the sun rose over the tops of the eastern houses, and listened to the morning drama in the high branches. Two fully feathered blue and white adults were patiently (and noisily I might add) coaching another two stout and fuzzy little bluebirds in what seemed to be the final phase of flight lessons for the season. A few loud squacks, accompanied by fervent wing beating and a loud rustling of leaves, and they would all set off for the neighbors’ aspen. It seemed to take a tremendous amount of courage. A brave new world was only 30 feet away, but through the unknown sky and with only newly formed wings to carry them, it must have been quite the leap of faith.

In my email to my coworker I mentioned how inspiring those birds were for us. But at the time I wasn’t quite sure of what I even meant. Of course now it makes perfect sense as I type this and think it through. We can learn a lot from nature.

As I shared that story with her, she replied that she often wondered how her parents felt when they adopted her. It was the first time she’d mentioned her adoption story to me and, whether she planned it that way or not, the revelation came at the perfect time. I felt truly supported in our path once again. I love those moments.   

A particularly relevant phrase comes to mind these days. It’s something I think I must have read on a fortune cookie or something: “Uncertainty is an uncomfortable position but certainty is an absurd one.”* I’m not sure what that sky can tell us with its bands of boy and girl colors. Maybe we could tell the future if we tried hard enough to count the petals on the asters in our garden. But rather than calculate the uncertainty of the universe and try to decypher its myriad permutations and algorythms, I suppose we’ll just enjoy the wondering for now, day to day. The summer is a fine time for trying our wings out on those short, intense journeys from tree to tree. Another summer is stretching out in front of us as we walk along doing our best to hold each other as often as we can through each day together.  

*Come to think of it, I don’t know how often Voltaire is quoted on a fortune cookie. Must have been a tea bag.

Diapers and bottles and car seats, oh my!

Well, some practical decisions have been made which leads to even more stuff coming through the door. We think we're going with the prefold cloth diapers and waterproof covers system. We think we're going with glass vented bottles. And, we think we're going with a convertible car seat and skipping the infant seat to do some baby wearing. I'm careful to say we "think" for the benefit of all of our friends and family experienced with kids who think each of these decisions is nuts. "Thinking" these are our solutions gives us an out if we decide to do disposable diapers, plastic bottles and infant car seats. However, those same friends know us well and should be aware that we're pretty driven to follow through once the decision has been made.

So, deciding to go the old fashioned route to cloth diaper and use glass bottles should make this easy, right? Wrong. I have no idea how our mothers managed to diaper us at all when they only had one size cloth to wrap around our bums. At least today we have a minimum of 3 and up to 7 options for cloth diaper sizes, depending on the brand. Oh, and not knowing if your baby will be colicky and you might need a way to rid them of gas means you don't know if you want the vented or the unvented bottle options. Will we decide in the end that waking the baby to put them in our sling when we get out of the car is worth it rather than leaving them sweetly sleeping in the carry style car seat? I dunno. But anyone who thinks this isn't complicated, hasn't tried to make these decisions lately.

That said, I will add the disclaimer that I'm a waiting adoptive mom. (Hmmm, WAM! I like the sound of that. But, I guess that makes Josh a WAD. Sorry babe.) This means, I'm gonna be broke and I've got time and mental energy on my side. I'm trying to get the registry together to get a little help wherever we can, and that means making decisions before their time. I'm also trying to do something more productive and more fun that imagining whether or not someone is looking at our profile at all today.

Yay, craigslist! The great news is that having the decisions made and being open to reusing makes for great deals if you have the time (check) and patience (sometimes) to look for them. Plus, it stocks the nursery. So, we have acquired some of those essential items that are just adorable to look at before you are having to look at them all day long and at all times of the day. Baby bottles, so cute, for now. :-)

The other really great thing is that we're now a mix between American culture and Nigerien culture. We know that there are no diaper size options in the West African bush. I witnessed moms using their ankles over the sand to serve as the all mighty potty chair. It worked. They didn't have poop all over them. They wore their babies all the time and the kids are well adjusted. It helps to keep this perspective even when we're nesting within this culture of excess.

Reconnecting in an Impatient Week

First of all, New York was awesome! We had a great time. We loved Porgy and Bess and then snuck in Priscilla Queen of the Desert as well. We stayed on a lovely, neighborhood street in the West Village and had ourselves a time eating our way through the city for two days. We were both ecstatic to find the Pakistani restaurant that Josh read about and to hear the prayer from the mosque next door while we ate.

We returned just in time to attend our friends' little girl's 2nd birthday party. There were lots of fun, familiar faces there and we enjoyed getting to chat with people after a few days away. At the time of her first birthday party last year, we were in the thick of building our chicken coop every weekend and also hiding out from social events as the pain of our lost pregnancy was still circling around us. We attended, but just to be gracious. All of the kiddos playing were a little much for us at that time and we left early. Well, what a difference a year and some good decisions on a path forward to parenthood make! This year we had a blast playing with all those kiddos and truly enjoyed the time with everyone knowing that we were on our way to joining in the chaos of herding the little ones.

We rounded out the weekend with a real treat. Our adoption group got together for the first time since our training was completed last month. Aside from a few emails, we hadn't really been in touch much with anyone. Heading to the get together, I have to say I was a little timid about seeing everyone without the safety blanket of a training agenda providing something to talk about. But then, when have I had trouble finding something to talk about! It was really fun to see everyone again and just reaffirmed what we were feeling about all of them during training, they are an amazing group of people. We shared where each of us is in terms of preparing for "the call" and it was good to be able to share what has been happening in each of our lives. No one else is done with their profile book or on the website as a "waiting family" yet, so I don't think the sense of immediacy of receiving the call is weighing as heavily on them.

Remember that roller coaster ride of emotions we promised to take when we signed up for this? Well, this week provided one of those big drops in enthusiasm for which we knew to be ready. The good thing is that this is truly like a roller coaster in that the next day was better than the previous and we were hopeful again, but boy was the drop a bummer. It wasn't really based on anything but the lack of news. I guess some days will hit differently.

We have told everyone we know about our plans to adopt and even had little post cards designed to give to our connections at hospitals, churches and pregnancy care centers. What we keep hearing back is that they already have agencies they work with, so they can't help us. Our agency is open to becoming one of those they work with, but it's apparently hard to crack into an established relationship. I think the volume of people hoping to adopt in this country just hit us both on the same day. We felt like we weren't really in a position to get the word out and were just sitting ducks. Not a hopeful feeling.

The best part of our training and our philosophy in general is that we really do feel like this will happen the way it is supposed to. Our babies will eventually find us. We just have to know that and keep welcoming them into their beautiful space in our home and hearts.

BND and the Wonder of the Wait

We're leaving for New York tomorrow and we're so excited to get away for a few days. We're going to see Porgy and Bess and explore that great city for the first time together for longer than just a flight layover. To avoid incessantly checking messages, we're fully equipped with a Baby Notification Device (known to the rest of you as a cell phone). Yes, we've finally done it, sort of. I'm not proud, but I am happy that the agency can get a hold of us at all times with any potential news. Before you ask, none of the rest of you get the number. It's just for them and we'll just see how long we can stick to that. As expected, I'm already tempted to become as addicted to it as the rest of you are, but I'm holding my ground. For your reading pleasure, we'll confess that we spend $10 every three months for the privilege of joining the mobile wave. Big spenders!

Back at the homestead, our nursery is coming along nicely. The tree detailing is just about done and Josh plans to start the giraffe, who will be staring down at the changing table, pretty soon. We have our recalled crib sufficiently immobilized and all clean sheets waiting to be put on the mattress. Our continually growing collection of fun stories now has a home in a new bookcase and the floor will be crawl-able with its new rug. Only thing missing is, well, you know...diapers! We're getting there, don't worry.

The wondering that happens during the wait is most interesting. It's not always as simple as you might think, for example just wondering when it will all happen. Sometimes, it's wondering how we'll hear, where we'll be when the BND rings loud and clear in its jazzy lounge tone. The wondering has now led us to scrutinize our yard for potential hazards and rethink the way we've potted some plants in the house. Can we teach them the safest way to cross the busiest streets to the best park around? I wonder if they'll come to love that they get fresh eggs every day or if they'll be scared of getting pecked by the chickens!

Wondering about who they'll be when they grow up is probably not uncommon, but I haven't heard my friends ever wonder if they will be there when their children are actually born. No one I know has spent time wondering who will be the connection that brings their children home. We wonder about their health in the womb, their face shapes, their hair color and their size when we meet him/her/them. There are a lot of things that we don't know and they surface as things that most expectant parents can take for granted. What we do know is that we hope to meet them soon and begin experiencing the wonders of parenthood.

Nesting

Ugh, it's amazing how much stuff a couple of people who don't want a lot of stuff can accumulate when preparing for the arrival of babies! Luckily, it's super fun to imagine the cutie pies using all of it, so it makes it easier to see the piles growing. It's been a week of nesting and preparing. We are so excited to have washed laundry ready for the baby, a changing table all set up and LOTS of books in a growing pile to be housed in the new bookcase. Josh has finished his part of the Banyan Family Tree and Tiffany now needs to add leaves. Our minds are already moving on to the giraffe, monkeys and other critters that will call this room home.

We've also made some progress on the name search, with a few options for each sex being vetted by how we feel when we say them. Sometimes those poor imaginary children have to clean their rooms, or sit down and eat, but sometimes they get to go outside and play! In each context that we practice saying them, the names we've come up with make us smile. We're also staying open to the middle name being provided by the birth family. Jude put it well when she said that one of the most important gifts of love to give to a child is their name. We want to make sure that our kids are surrounded by not only our love, but also that of their birth families. Plus, it takes the pressure off of us to come up with something that sounds good with both the "hippie" first names we're looking at and the uniqueness of Schnabel as a last name. We hope it will be a group effort. Stay tuned...

And, our profile is now up on the agency's website! Wooohoo! Pass it along.

Yay, Spring!

As expected, these posts are going to take a new form as the wait begins, continues, and eventually ends! There aren't many updates on the process, since we're done with that now. Woohoo!

Last week we shared our great news of anticipating parenthood with everyone we know via email, complete with links to our profile book, our blog and our registry. The response has been overwhelming. Anyone who is hesitant to spread the word is, in my humble opinion, missing out. The more people know what you're experiencing, the more love is showered upon you. I can't believe the number of people who took the time to respond to our announcement and a few who actually sent unexpected gifts for the baby already.

It's really been refreshing to complete the process and get back to springtime life as we know it. Each weekend has been spent cleaning the winter out of my garden, welcoming new blooms (they surprise me every year!) and trying to find a way to rid our yard of squirrels...to no avail, yet.

We spend some moment of each day in the nursery either meditating on positive and welcoming thoughts, painting, writing in our baby dreams journal and just focusing on our birth parents and what they are doing at that very minute. The imagination is a funny thing. We do read aloud some of the new baby books we've received as well and our favorites are one about an Acoustic Rooster putting together a farmyard band and one that links the day our baby(ies) are born to the entire planet and all that is new and bright in the world.

Our painting is coming along nicely, or so we think. We'll post updates as progress is made. Last night the banyan family tree began to take shape...

We'll be adding the animal kingdom as time goes on, complete with a sweet Metta bird happily perched in the branches to remind us of some of our new roots.

Here's to a great week. Thanks to all of you who have shown us just the support we were dreaming of!



The Wait

Ahhh, spring. That time of year when the breath of life returns to everything you see around you that has been brown and dormant for so many months (California folks, just trust me on that one). This is when things feel fresh and new and hope springs eternal for another fantastic warm weather season. It's a busy time for gardeners. I get the same zoned out look in my eye when I'm in the garden in May as Josh does when he's working on a new chord transition on his guitar. The look represents the focus of a passion. It's full of hope and anticipation that what you've been focused on is actually going to work!

We've been actively pursuing our plans to adopt now for four months, and the idea of it has been simmering for more than two years. Yesterday, we completed the last required step in the process with our agency to officially be waiting for a birth mother to find us. The wait begins.

I have this feeling that we're going to look back on this moment at different times in life and remember that jumping-off-the-cliff feeling that Josh wrote about a few posts back. This feeling is so exhilarating! As days turn to months, then potentially years, I'm sure the feeling will be more like those undulating California hills I miss so much, with highs and lows and the gradual easing between one and the other. At times, maybe they'll feel more like the jagged Rocky Mountains, with extreme rises to high happiness and also sudden plummets to anxiety.

But, this is day one and we're living in this moment for now. And for now, the passionate gardener in me can't help but liken it to what I see happening outside with my coveted little seedlings. I will revel in this emotion of hope and confidence that all of our love and attention to the subject is going to produce some pretty amazing treats in time.

Grow, little seeds, grow. Find your way to our happy home.