Giving Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving Day everyone! This is our favorite holiday and we've spent the morning reflecting on why. It can't get too gory like Halloween. Christmas is too commercialized and not everyone celebrates it. Other holidays aren't as focused on simply gathering family and just being grateful for what you have. We love it!

We're grateful today for all of you and the impact you've had in our lives. We're very happy to be here with each other and appreciate all of the love we've received in recent months. We're also grateful that the opportunity for our kids to find us is being explored as our book is shown to prospective birth mothers. I've mentioned this to a few people and it's always met with curious responses, so I realized we might not have shared what this part of the process looks like with you.

When a pregnant woman approaches our agency, she is provided counseling about her options. She receives support whether or not she decides to parent her baby. If she decides that she wants to place the baby with a family for adoption, then she is shown profile books of families who might match what she is looking for with regards to her preferences for her baby. Our profile book is linked on this website over there on the left, under our picture.

When I imagine that someone is looking at our book, I pick up our copy and try to feel what she might be feeling as she turns the pages of our lives. Josh and I have loved our book since we put the finishing touches on it last spring. It very clearly demonstrates our love for each other, our lifestyle and our values. Lately though, it's felt a little overwhelming to me as I stroll through the story. It's not as simple and straight forward as some of the others I've seen and I began to feel that we'd overdone it. The agency is consistent in saying that the book will speak to our birth mother, whenever that happens, so just be genuine. Josh said that, if anything, it shows we put a lot of effort into whatever we do. We just have to know that someone out there will like our style and not be overwhelmed by the details.

Yesterday, as if on queue to remind me that our seemingly over-the-top approach can resonate with people sometimes, we received the exciting news that we won first place at something near and dear to our hearts. Last August, we entered our chicken coop in a contest for best design and recycled material use through a regional gardening magazine. We received the winter edition and there we were, First Prize! We're pretty excited about it and we chuckled that the judges were impressed with the detailed thought that went into the design and construction. Everything we tend to do is nothing, if not detailed to death. So, I'm grateful to be reminded that this little personality quirk does achieve results sometimes.

 

 

Happy Thanksgiving! Give all of your family and friends extra love today.

We're giving thanks for all of you!

Grateful for the Strength of Hope

It feels worth it to check in on how I'm feeling tonight after such a fun weekend with family. If you haven't experienced significant loss in life (YAY!), you might not be aware of the mixed up emotions that come with it. At any peculiar trigger, I could be feeling relieved, sad, grateful, angry, hopeful and deprived. So, sometimes I like to call it like it is and own what I'm going through.

We had originally planned to be in Texas this week, celebrating Thanksgiving for the first time with my family there. When we found out about the fake match, we paid the change fee and scheduled my parents' flight to us instead, so they could meet the baby. The beginnings of a plan for a Welcome Home Party began and it was to be yesterday.

We had a wonderful weekend exploring the mountains of Colorado for a couple of beautiful and warm fall days. Only a couple of times did I express the pang of sadness that the reason for this visit didn't come to fruition. It mostly surfaced when we were in a shop selling Christmas decorations and the realization that the anniversary of another year without adding to our family of two is fast approaching. But even that familiar annual tummy knot was unraveled by the hope that the remaining months of the year will bring our baby(ies) home. That is what is worth mentioning; hope is winning these days.

When we experience grief over a loss, real or only the loss of something hoped for, certain things trigger the flood of emotions to return. For me, the triggers usually relate to a planned event that won't happen now as a result of the loss. I expected to be pretty down yesterday anytime that it hit me that we were "supposed to be" welcoming our baby girl home with dozens of friends and family around to share in the celebration, but I really wasn't down at all.

I enjoyed the visit and was grateful that my family wasn't that of the trolls that roam the earth to make others miserable. It marked the beginning of a week focused on all of our blessings and the good life for which we can be thankful. Team Hope expanded and we're gaining momentum. The dream that our babies are making their way to us in this very moment burns bright inside me right now.

The Truest Test

After writing reams of paper to share our autobiographies with the agency, days of training and hours of interviews, you'd think we felt ready for this parenthood thing. We decorated a nursery, bought and counted diapers and bottles until our heads were spinning, and stocked the shelves with books and the bins with soft toys. Still, only one true test would let us know that our little ones would find their way to us and be happy when they got here...toddlers!

Yesterday was a very funny day. I picked up my parents from Houston at the airport and we're looking forward to a great, late Fall weekend with them in clear-sky Colorado. We were back at home, relaxing and getting them used to the altitude, when Josh's cousin called from the airport, stranded, with two toddlers in tow. Right about 3:00, our neighbor came over to hide in a room upstairs and do a phone interview in the quiet of our house while a sitter watched the most adorable neighbors in her house next door.

So, by 4:00 pm, we had a dad sleeping in the basement, a neighbor chatting with us on the couch and a family of four ringing the doorbell for a surprise afternoon playdate. Plan, Schman! It was really awesome. In the midst of the excitement, the agency was letting us know that they are still working with a couple of birth mothers who haven't made any decisions yet, but who are due in December!

I think we and all of our house guests sailed through the chaos of the afternoon. Thank goodness we never got around to raking up all the leaves in the backyard.

There was a family concert in the music room by early evening and the final test on our nursery's preparedness came just before our cousins departed to return to the airport and try to get to another family gathering in Kentucky.

At first, Averie was not pleased with the lack of enough International People Puzzle pieces to make their way around the circle rug (or grass as it's now known). But, she improvised and it seems we had all the parts required to encircle her in a good time in that cozy, love-filled kid room.

I loved the transformation of the circle from people holding hands
to music shaker eggs to stuffed animals to books to one happy kiddo!

National Adoption Month

We've already spent 12 days of it in ignorance, but I just learned today that November is National Adoption Month! (Thanks, Morning Edition.) The goal is to raise awareness that there are kids waiting to be loved through foster care, and also to celebrate the bonds that unite families through adoption in all forms. We can't know yet how our story will unfold because it is still being written. We'll spend the rest of the month focused on this celebration and on the simple mantra "it really does happen", since it has for so many hundreds of thousands of others. Congratulations to those of you with this part of the journey behind you and we'll light our candle of hope for the rest of us so our little ones can find their way to our hearts. As my dear friend put it, an adoption journey is not for the weak. But, each of us is committed for our unique reasons and we can't wait to wrap our arms around each other in an even bigger family hug.

If you find a way to bring it up to someone you think will listen, remember to pass along our story (the good, waiting and hopeful parts). You just never know how our kids will find us and you could be our missing link!

And, if you need some talking points.... :-)

Presidential Proclamation -- National Adoption Month, 2012

NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH, 2012

- - - - - - -

BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

A PROCLAMATION

As a Nation that believes all children deserve the chance to reach their full potential, we have a fundamental responsibility to ensure each of them grows up knowing the love and protection of a permanent family. During National Adoption Month, we give voice to children who are still waiting for that opportunity, celebrate the bond that unites adoptive parents with their sons and daughters, and recommit to providing every child with the care and security that will nurture their development and well-being.

 

Later this month, many Americans will also mark National Adoption Day by completing a foster care adoption and embracing a new member of their family. Driven by reasons unique to their households but united by the spirit of compassion that moves all who choose to adopt, these parents will take up our country's most important task -- the work of raising our sons and daughters. As we celebrate the contributions of adoptive parents across our Nation, let us also strive to eliminate discriminatory barriers that would separate foster children from a loving family. Adoptive families come in many forms, and it is essential that all qualified adults have the opportunity to care for a child in need.

 

My Administration remains committed to helping every child find a loving home. We have partnered with faith-based and community organizations across America to help connect children with adoptive parents, and we continue to work with State, local, and tribal governments to improve child outcomes; enhance safety, permanency, and well-being; and support adoptive families. I was proud to sign the Affordable Care Act and the International Adoption Simplification Act, which have made it easier for families to adopt, as well as the Child and Family Services Improvement and Innovation Act, which will help reduce the length of time young children are without families. We have built on those efforts as part of the National Adoption Campaign, which continues to bring adoption and foster care into our national conversation.

 

Thousands of children living in America hope for the comfort and safety of a loving family. This month, we pay tribute to the dedicated professionals who help make those children's dreams a reality, sharpen our resolve to find a permanent home for every child, and celebrate the stories of all whose lives have been touched by adoption.

 

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim November 2012 as National Adoption Month. I encourage all Americans to observe this month by answering the call to find a permanent and caring family for every child in need, and by supporting the families who care for them.

 

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this first day of November, in the year of our Lord two thousand twelve, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-seventh.

 

BARACK OBAMA

Hope

"I have always believed that hope is that stubborn thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us so long as we have the courage to keep reaching, to keep working, to keep fighting." - Barack Obama

Sure, there were a lot of memorable moments throughout our evening last night as we flipped between muted television news coverage of election results and three different on-line sources with substantive reporting. We watched both gracious speeches at the tail end of the night, eyes barely open, and rallied for our country with the best of them.

I have to say that in my own self-involved world, this quote from Obama's speech hit me the hardest. For me, on our roller coaster ride of waiting for information on our dream of growing our family, it came just in time this week and I'm firmly rooted back on Team Hope with all my heart.

Election Day - GO VOTE!

 

Most of the people I know in this country have had others in the past who fought hard on their behalf for the right to vote. I'm one of those who votes in person on election day, despite candidates pleading that I vote early, or mail in my ballot. It brings tears to my eyes each and every time that I walk out with my sticker proclaiming that "I Voted!" Really, it does.

 

Each election I remind myself that there was a time when I wouldn't have been able to vote, that I was deemed unqualified simply based on my gender (until 1920!). That infuriates me enough to get me up and marching to the ballot box (and Josh says there is a little march in my step when I go). It's also important to remember that we have many friends in countries around the world still fighting for their right to vote. It is not something to take for granted.

The outcome might not be what you want. I've lived through my share of disappointments as the tallies came rolling in - picture a group of grimy, hopeful Peace Corps Volunteers in the African bush huddled around a chalkboard with all states' electoral count listed and the static on the shortwave radio in the middle of the night in 2000. Still, it is your obligation to be a part of this community, your community.

 

A friend from West Africa visited us during our wedding, which was weeks before a local election in 2006. When he observed life in San Francisco, he said he would always vote for taxes in Niger if it meant that their streets would be paved, their needy would be cared for instead of hungry and their kids were educated. In Niger, he complained, the money just disappears and the people suffer. As you question whether or not you can afford to vote for another tax hike for schools or city infrastructure,

consider whether you can afford not to.

 

Whatever it is that you want to happen in your hometown, just go vote for it!

 

To keep with the focus of this blog being about our growing family, the obligation to vote is yet another commitment to community that our kids will know. I always find myself humming a favorite Ani DiFranco song on election day. I leave you with the first verse of Paradigm:

 

i was born to two immigrants
who knew why they were here
they were happy to pay taxes
for the schools and roads
happy to be here
they took it seriously
the second job of citizenry
my mother went campaigning door to door
and holding to her hand was me

i was just a girl in a room full of women
licking stamps and laughing
i remember the feeling of community brewing
of democracy happening

Dia de los Muertos

Once Halloween is over and the costumes are put away, we move through Tiffany's birthday to our Day of the Dead traditions. Each year on November 2nd, we go through treasured photographs of our friends and relatives who have passed away and build a little altar of remembrance.

This isn't a sad holiday! It's truly a happy one as we conjure up all sorts of fun memories, peaceful thoughts and inspiration. Unfortunately, it seems lately we've had someone to add to the photo altar each year and we miss them all immensely. We make no claims to know what happens after they are no longer with us, but they do live on in our memories. It's refreshing to pause and just spend time reflecting on the life lessons we have learned from each soul who has touched us.

We light a candle, lay out pictures, add a few mementos we know some of them would like, bake sweet pan de muerto to satiate their appetites, sprinkle marigolds around and top off the display with Pedro, our sugar skull decoration from some dear friends in San Francisco.



What does this have to do with growing a family you ask? Well, this is one of our family traditions. These traditions are what we hope to introduce our kids to someday and we wanted to wrap you all into the fold. The most rewarding part of the day is looking through the pictures and devoting some attention to those great memories from the past. If you have some time tonight, consider some dedicated happy memory time. We really enjoy it!

All has been quiet from the agency this week. We hear they are meeting a couple of new birth mothers, but those women will have their own wish lists for who they want to parent their baby(ies). Of course, there are no guarantees that any news will trickle down to us. We only hope that in the midst of our moving through the frustrations of the last four months, our little one(s) find their way to us soon and begin their journey into our home.

Hey, that's cool! I just used the word hope again. "That doesn't make you happy?"
- Fezzik, in The Princess Bride
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yokQ0_8__ts (great clip, for fun)