Disaster Averted
What's meant to be, will be. That's what "they" say, and that is what all of you have told us. We've even reiterated it to ourselves. As we have acknowledged, we accept that what will happen, will happen. We don't argue that. It's been a relief to learn that no amount of positive thinking and burned-to-the-base candles of hope could make a criminal in California place her baby with us, nor a birth mother in Colorado decide to do the same. The relief comes in knowing that an inadequate amount of those same positive feelings would not prevent the dream from coming true. It would be terrible to believe that we just didn't hope hard enough. Nope, it just wasn't meant to be.
However, it was easy to find meaning in each promising lead to the growth of our family. The story of our conception was particularly significant for us, relating to Winter Solstice, a full moon and a complete lunar eclipse. Our first match with a birth mother would've placed a baby with us at a perfect time for work and holidays and a "gestational period" of 9 months after we started with the agency. The second match came to us on our anniversary and would've placed a baby in our arms in time for the winter holidays, which are always so focused on family. It turns out, there is always meaning to be found when the eager are looking to find it.
Speaking of seemingly meaningful trends, my Colorado parents volunteer with the Red Cross and respond to national disasters by delivering food and supplies to those in need. In the summer of 2012, they were working the Colorado wildfires disaster relief program when we found out about match one. It was during their next disaster relief effort in New York after hurricane Sandy when we learned about match two. When they got called again to serve around Christmas, I suggested that the third time might be the charm. My aunt wisely pointed out that my parents learning about these matches while working a disaster relief effort seemed only to lead to disasters for us as well. She had a point. They arrived home today without our having been matched, so we know that the spell is broken. If there even was a spell cast.
It seems obvious that perfect timing, special occasions and clear signs from the universe don't seem to make a match turn into a placement for us. I'm hoping that the next time we're called, one of us is on the toilet, or I'm fighting with garden netting, or Josh is up to his elbows in scooter grease. I want as few symbols of perfection involved as possible. It will be considered perfect when a baby is in our nursery, and not just in our hearts and dreams.
