Thursday, January 10, 2013

Imagination Breakthrough

When Josh started a new job in San Francisco after we moved back from Peace Corps, they warned him that newbies (uh hem, and their spouses) had to stand up and sing a song at the annual holiday party. It was months away, but they were already talking about it. Any song. In front of everyone. Individually. A Capella. Surely they were joking in some sort of threatening tradition to haze new employees. As the party approached, Josh would come home with reminders that had been issued about the singing requirement for both of us. It seemed they weren't joking after all.

It turned out that the other newbies came up with the genius plan to pick a song everyone knew and after the first note the entire group would join them, building camaraderie and making the subject fool feel immediately at ease. Their humiliation lasted for maybe one verse and was a group effort. But I didn't think of that plan.

No, taking the threat literally, as is my norm, I figured I had to do this alone. I felt I had nailed this one by picking a song that I knew well, but didn't need to sound good. A song no one would know so they couldn't criticize if I was off a little. A Yosemite camper song from my childhood. Idiot. I stood, took a deep breath and out came a confident sounding...

I'm a hayseed
Full of seaweed
And my ears are made of leather
And they flop in windy weather
Gosh oh hemlock
I'm tough as a pine knot
I'm a camper, can't you see-ee-ee?!
 
I'm sure that when I learned this as a kid, and then sang it repeatedly for years, that there were accompanying moves to go with each line. I'm also quite sure the moves were not a simple march in place, which is what I did (at age 30) when put on the spot with all of Josh's new coworkers staring at me in disbelief that I had missed the opportunity to draw them in with the likes of some ubiquitous replay of a hit from the '80s. At least they were nice to me afterwards. The kind of nice that probably made Josh feel like he'd married the girl who got into Peace Corps by somehow hiding that she was just a touch off her rocker.
 
Luckily, after years of talented performances in front of people with a high school garage band (yes, there are videos), Josh had no problem standing up and belting one out. I made a special request and he hit it note for note. He definitely managed to silence the crowd, but the difference was that he was serious and could actually sing. They loved it!
 
 
Last night, I found myself humming Josh's corporate office singing debut. When I traced the thought back, I was pleased to find that I was imagining a baby coming home to us. This might sound like something obvious to you. I mean I write about our wait and we've shared our ups and downs along this journey. You would expect that it's all I daydream about.
 
Unfortunately, lately that hasn't been the case. A lot of less hopeful thoughts have crept into my daydreams and time has been spent reliving some emotional challenges from recent years. A sort of resignation that this will never happen has clouded most of our thoughts. But, when that was cleared away for whatever reason last night, I was left with the sweet image of things going right and focused on imagining that it will happen. I experienced a light, airy, comfortable feeling around our journey for the first time in a while. So, this post is dedicated to those of you who have been waiting for a glimmer of hope to creep back in. It's beginning to push through again and imagining the future can sure be fun.